Bikémon – gotta watch ’em all

There is so much bike racing packed into the next month or so it’s making me nervous. The Giro d’Italia begins today and la Vuelta a España ends on the 8th of November. Seasoning those hefty meals are Liege, Flanders and Roubaix. Will we see them finished? Never mind the riders; can members of the lumpen non-commentariat like me get through it all?

I’ve trained for this. I can hold my position on the sofa for hours on end. I’m disciplined about getting up for coffee refills to prevent loss of feeling. I’m hardened. There’s no fucking about here. Eurosport’s uninterrupted coverage means it’s up to me when I take a break. Can my bladder handle it? I highly doubt it; there’s too much caffeine coursing through the pipes and the jitters are rattling the piss right out of me.

I’ve just watched Alex Dowsett roll down the ramp. He’s the first rider off in the Giro. I can’t sit all day watching a 15km time trial, surely… Holy shit this TT is wild. Victor Campanaerts has just hit the ground. These guys are on the top tube of a TT bike, 100km/h straight downhill with a tailwind into a tight hairpin. There’s a blasting crosswind through the town and Sagan was getting it tight. Speaking of involuntary ‘movements’, this looks like it’ll be a twitchy day. Will the GC men risk it all to steal a few seconds?

All questions, no answers. I can’t look and I can’t look away and it’s lunchtime. Getting the bonk on the sofa would be a hell of a thing. It looks like I’m all in.

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